Limmerick Song

Chorus
Aye-aye-aye-aye,
In China they never grow chilly
So sing me another verse
That's worse than the first verse
Make sure that it's foolish and silly.

A canner exceedingly canny
One morning remarked to his granny,
"A canner can can anything that he can,
But a canner can't can a can, can he?"

A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it tougher to toot
Or to tutor two tooters to toot?"

A certain young fellow named Beebee
Wished to marry a lady named Phoebe
"But," he said, "I must see
What the minister's fee be,
Before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee."

There was an old man from Peru Who dreamed he was eating his shoe When he awoke in a fright in the dark of the night He found it was perfectly true

There once was a man from Calcutta Who spoke with a terrible stutter At breakfast he said,
“Give me b b b bread and b b b butter.”

There once was a young fellow of Perth Who was born on the day of his birth He was married they say on his wife’s wedding day And he died when he quitted the earth

A man who was dining at Crewe Found quite a large mouse in his stew Said the waiter, “Don’t shout and waive it about OR the rest will be wanting one too!”

There was a young lady named Lou
who said as the parson withdrew--
"Now the Vicar is quicker,
And thicker, and slicker,
And two inches longer than you

There once was a man from the south of France,
Who spoke with a great deal of arrogance;
'Til head over heel, he slipped on a peel
And crowds gathered 'round as he lost his pants.

There once was a little pet octopus,
Who fell on a plate of asparagus;
It splashed on the chest of a prime dinner guest,
And the owner thought it was hilarious.

There once was a long legged spider,
That lived in a bottle of cider;
Until a lady at afternoon tea,
Drank some now he lives inside of her.

There once was a giant of an elephant,
Who wanted to look cute and elegant;
At a big fashion show, she bought a pink bow,
And now she goes places where others can't.

There once was a grouchy old billygoat,
Who had a big bullfrog stuck in his throat;
When the frog struggled free, the goat screamed with glee,
That he could at last sing the sweetest note.

There was a young lady named Bright
Who traveled much faster than light
She started one day in a relative way
And returned on the previous night

There was an old man from Heath
Who sat on his set of false teeth
Said he, with a start, "Well bless my heart
I've bitten myself underneath"

There's a curious fellow named Ty
Who was baked by mistake in a pie
To the household¹s disgust
He emerged through the crust
And exclaimed with a yawn, 'Where am I?'

There was an old lady from Flynn
Who grew so exceedingly thin
That when she essayed to drink lemonade
She slid down the straw and fell in

There was a nice woman named Anne
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so,
She said, "Yes, I know,
But I always try to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can."